Finding Peace with Who You Are

  "I thought that being a feminine sensitive soul was something wrong. I hated the fact that I played the piano, loved fashion, and definitely distained my own preference to play house over football."

"I thought that being a feminine sensitive soul was something wrong. I hated the fact that I played the piano, loved fashion, and definitely distained my own preference to play house over football."

When I was little my father would tuck my sister and me into bed with an amazing bedtime story. He told us the tale of a young newspaper salesman who would sing about the Good News.

My father’s voice, as he serenaded us, was so sincere.

I used to think that the Good News was only for those with performance-based approval. And since I was no cookie-cutter boy, I was doomed.

I thought that being a feminine sensitive soul was something wrong. I hated the fact that I played the piano, loved fashion, and definitely distained my own preference to play house over football.

I would meet a stunning wife dressed in white at the end of the isle. I would father biological children, and lead some sort of ministry.

I so desperately wanted to become this beautiful specimen of a man, for surely he would make mom and dad happy. He would be the Good News for which I thought they hoped- salvation’s perfect product.

Sitting across a table from a dear friend the other night, I remembered that I deserve to celebrate my life, my authenticity, and all the uniqueness I produce. I rediscovered the Good News that I behold.

I am 31 and single. I don’t know if I’ll marry. I can’t tell you that I love football. And I certainly don’t know if I’ll have biological children, albeit the high baby-fever in the Archuleta household of one.

Who I am may threaten the group, might push some boundaries, and will surely help some question my moral integrity. But to deny my Imago is to prioritize performance over my inherent Oneness.  

I have my own song to sing, my own version of the Good News. I have the same Essence, after all; some understand this, and others may never.

During our summer vacation my parents told me to live for my own happiness and to do away with the task of trying to please them. “Who you are makes us happy,” they spoke. Some of us may never get such a fantastic lesson on flying.

For some faith is an issue of proving, with perfect behavior, that they are good enough for acceptance. They feel comfortable because they are proud of their behavior’s approval by the community.

For others, like myself, faith is knowing that your authentic self is fully loved, even when it lives in the margin.

Someday my body will fade and the affects of my character will be the lasting song of my life. Was I able to celebrate the internal fabric of my Creation- relishing in its beauty- or did I hide?

Celebrating my uniqueness means being proud of the good man I am. It means being proud of the way I love, and the character I have- feminine, masculine, and all the constellations they produce.

Celebrating my authenticity is trusting that life beyond the fray is exactly where I am supposed to stay. Otherwise, I’ll sing a false version of God’s unconditional love and promote a discrediting premise of his creative design. Honoring internal Truth sets us free.  

If I can sing the song of my Good News to the world, then I am delivering the package I’m intended to leave behind.

No matter if I look gay, dream straight, or live tethered to the dialectic of bisexuality, I have something beautiful to give. My unique offering deserves to be celebrated and so does yours.

Posted on January 5, 2015 .